yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I want her autograph on my taint
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
