There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize