ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
