What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
