It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
