dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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