After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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