i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
