this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
