Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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