i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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