I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
