I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
