STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
