She said her name was "party"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
