Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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