I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
