You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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