You really coming over, don't trick.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
