between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
