Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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