What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
