I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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