i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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