I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
3 2 1 whiskey
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
