I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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