so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
