dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize