last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
