My friends, they love my intelligence
Define "chronic" masturbator.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
