Your face is a jimmy john
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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