You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize