I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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