Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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