just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The adults are the big ones right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
