perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
