how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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