well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
