Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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