she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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