He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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