I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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