Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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