I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
