so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize