my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
