Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
