There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is Oprah even human
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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