They should really pass out barf bags in church
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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