using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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