I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
soo... how was my night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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