apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish I only lived at night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
