In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
