I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
