do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
