Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
