I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize