I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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