i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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