I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
