I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
