Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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