Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
