Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
