Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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