I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize