How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
did you just send me my own nude
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
