if only i could text you this smell
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
