in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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