so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
