Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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