I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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