is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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