If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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