Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
