literally had 100 drinks last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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