If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
