I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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