Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
