Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
