I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
