I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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