If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize