apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
