i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
