I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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