she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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