He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
