Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
