blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
