I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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