I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You did what with his pubic hair?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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