i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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