He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
