What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
