Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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