Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
