Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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