return my video game
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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