There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
