recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
